English in use
Dos and don'ts in England: the polite English you actually need
Good grammar gets you understood in England; the right polite phrases get you liked. Much of English manners lives in small words: please, thank you, sorry, and softeners like could you and I was wondering. This page pairs the common dos and don'ts with the language that goes with each one.
Key points
- Say please and thank you more often than feels necessary, including to shop staff, bus drivers and waiters.
- Requests are usually indirect: Could I have…? sounds normal; Give me… sounds rude, even with a smile.
- Sorry is used for almost everything, from bumping into someone to asking them to repeat.
- Queue, and wait your turn. Pushing ahead is one of the few things people will object to openly.
- What people say and what they mean can differ: not bad is often praise, and I'll bear it in mind can mean no.
Dos
| Do | What to say |
|---|---|
| Ask politely, with a softener | Could I have a coffee, please? · Would you mind opening the window? · I was wondering if you could help me. |
| Thank people for small things | Thanks. · Cheers. (informal) · Thanks very much, that's really kind. |
| Apologise for small disturbances | Sorry! (when you bump into someone) · Sorry, could you say that again? · Excuse me, sorry, can I just get past? |
| Queue and wait your turn | Are you in the queue? · After you. · Sorry, I think I was next. |
| Make light small talk | Lovely day, isn't it? · Bit cold today. · Busy weekend? Weather is safe ground; nobody expects a real forecast. |
| Be on time, or say you will be late | Sorry, I'm running about ten minutes late. |
| Hold the door for the person behind you | They will usually say thanks or cheers; you can answer no worries. |
Don'ts
| Don't | Say instead |
|---|---|
| Give orders in shops and cafés: Give me a tea. | Can I get a tea, please? · I'll have a tea, please. |
| Say a flat No. to an offer | No, thanks. · I'm fine, thanks. · That's kind, but I'm OK. |
| Say What? when you did not hear | Sorry? · Pardon? · Sorry, I didn't catch that. |
| Ask about salary, weight or age early on | Stay with work, travel, weekend plans, films and food until you know someone. |
| Push ahead in a queue | If you are unsure, ask: Is this the queue for…? |
| Talk loudly on the phone on public transport | Keep calls short and quiet, or send a message instead. |
What English people say and what they often mean
English politeness is indirect. The phrases below are common; the second column is how they are often meant, not a rule. Tone and context decide.
| They say | They often mean |
|---|---|
| Not bad. | Good, sometimes very good. |
| I'll bear it in mind. | Probably not. |
| With respect… | I disagree. |
| That's an interesting idea. | It might be; it might also be a polite no. |
| Quite good. | Often only fairly good, a little less than good. |
| You must come round some time. | A friendly phrase, not always a real invitation. Wait for a date. |
| Sorry, but… | A complaint or a correction is coming. |
Words that differ from American English
Most learners study American English from films and apps. In England you will hear queue (line), toilet or loo (restroom), flat (apartment), chips (fries), crisps (chips), the underground or the Tube in London (subway), pavement (sidewalk) and mate for a friend or, from strangers, for anyone. Everyone understands the American words; using the local ones simply sounds natural.
How to practise
- Learn phrases, not single words. Would you mind…? is one unit; learn it with a typical ending such as …if I sat here?
- Hear them in context. British novels, radio and TV series are full of these softeners. Reading with a pop-up dictionary makes them easy to notice, see learning words from reading.
- Review the ones you want to use. A few phrases a day with spaced repetition is enough.
- Start with the basics. Many polite phrases are built from the most frequent words: see the 500 most common English words.